Anime Shopping Network [NSFW]

Late at night sometimes I turn on the TV and to my chagrin, it is an infomercial. You have come onto my blog late at night, now to your chagrin it is an infomercial. Four of them. Joining me today is Smiley from AOIA to present to you five very special products from our summer line! We have some exclusive deals you cannot miss!

Ever had a craving for cream puffs? Don’t have a local pastry store nearby? Then look no further! We at the Anime Shopping Network are proud to present Cream Tits! They truly are the finest cream filled pastries imported directly from the land of the rising sun. But don’t take my word for it, here is a personal testimonial from one of our satisfied customers (not a paid actor)!

Shougo M. (Corporate Heir): I was in the park with my fake-mysterious-sister-girlfriend-person when she surprised me with a very fine set of cream tits! They were so good that I got cream all over my face! She had to wipe it off for me… That was the best day of my life!

We here at the Anime Shopping Network are all for improving technologies from the 1800s. Introducing the Mail Order Bride v2.0. She actually comes in the mail! No assembly required! Guaranteed to deliver results within 9 months! Don’t be that weird otaku with a blow up doll. Be that weird otaku with a real wife that was provided by an obscure foreign company that has questionable business practices such as using mild hypnotism, drugs and water torture to brainwash young tsunderes into having sex with smelly old men.

You’ve all eaten it at  one point in your life; that generic grain product that all high school girls have in their mouth when they’re running to school late. But as much as bread is a staple of the typical anime girl diet, it gets boring after a while (yes, even the shining variety that Rick guy makes). Spice up the start of your day with something a little different! Try our very own Carrot Bread! It’s got three times the recommended daily serving of vegetables! You’ll be so healthy you’ll shit bricks! But of course, if you’re even remotely intelligent, you wouldn’t be trusting the guy on the television talking to you, so take a look at what one satisfied customer had to say!

Name Withheld (UN Mediator): I decided to pay the ASN sweatshops a visit to take a firsthand look at their products, and they were kind enough to offer me a free sample! I was so surprised I got carrot juice all over my face!


Sometimes the shakes you take after your workout just taste bad. Here at the Anime Shopping Network we love pumping iron, but we hate downing whey. Our solution? The Yaoi Stick. 2 out of 15 Nutritionists say that the Yaoi Stick is a great source of protein and can actually be considered a meal replacement. Once you pop you just can’t stop. You should not eat the Yaoi Stick without consulting your doctor. Side effects include bleeding, gagging, choking, and bad breath. Do not ingest the Yaoi stick if you are pregnant. If any side effects last for longer than 3 to 4 hours you might have a serious problem that your doctor can’t even help you with.


Are you or someone you know in a long-distance relationship? Or perhaps you’re simply looking for your “fated person”? Well, this is the product for you! Our high-quality Red Threads are the real deal. They truly make the perfect gift for that one special person you have in your heart! Don’t settle for the crappy “red string of fate” that other competitors try to shove in your face. That stuff just lacks the certain punch you sometimes need in a relationship. Our product is so superior, it can even satisfy wet goddesses! But wait, there’s more! Act now and we’ll throw in a bonus set of Red Threads! That’s right, you heard me! Two sets of the finest Red Threads in existence, all for the price of one! Call now! Warning: side effects include erectile dysfunction. This product should not be used in conjunction with blue pills.

Thank you for joining the Anime Shopping Network tonight for our exclusive deals! Remember to Shop Right With A.S.N.!

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